Most people would like to think that their marriage bears this seal of approval, but, the sad truth is that, these days, nearly half of all marriages end in divorce – in fact, you might be surprised to know that in the U.S., someone gets divorced every 10 to 13 seconds. It seems that divorce is the solution when ideas and hearts no longer mesh – a disagreement or two, and harsh words are exchanged, then usually words perhaps are spoken, that are best left unsaid. Next thing you know, a couple is not seeking marriage counseling, but one or the other is headed to a divorce attorney. Often the source of discontent is money. So, sometimes, having the forethought to have a prenuptial agreement in place to iron out any money issues before the marriage takes place, may be helpful. But, in some instances, the mere suggestion of getting a “prenup” raises your partner’s hackles.
At one time, people married young, and stayed married for life, or until death robbed the remaining partner of longstanding love and companionship. It makes your heart feel good to see an elderly couple holding hands and still enjoying one another after so many decades.
So what are the secret ingredients to longevity in a marriage?
No one likes to shoulder the home responsibilities load 100% of the time. Why? Because it leaves them feeling angry and resentful of their spouse or significant other who has the opportunity to enjoy leisure time, while the other is always working. The happiest couples are those who split their household duties such as cooking, cleaning and child rearing, as opposed to couples where the woman performs the “feminine” tasks and the man is responsible for the “manly” chores.
Renew Courtship Behavior
Rewind a little and try to remember those tender smiles, sexy messages left on his or her private voicemail and little love notes that you used to exchange with your significant other. Even holding hands or a flirtatious glance … all these were part of the subtle, yet impressive, dating tactics used by both of you. Why not try some of these ideas now to refresh that relationship by giving comfort, strength and affection to one another? It’s not all about the romance either; baking a batch of your significant other’s favorite cookies, or, whipping up a favorite meal, all are little ways that you can re-ignite or recapture the passion and excitement from the beginning of the relationship. Don’t forget to engage in some meaningful conversation either … remember how in the beginning you wanted to know everything about your “main squeeze”? Then, once you became a couple you would spend hours talking and plotting out future plans together. Even asking about one another’s day and taking an interest in your spouse’s work are excellent ways to stay in touch. Along with that polite and best behavior you exhibited during your courtship, remember your disagreements were mere tiffs and never full-blown heated arguments, so, in that vein, remember the adage to count to ten before you exchange harsh words and never go to bed angry.
Contentment and marital bliss, too many home-cooked meals and hours parked in front of the television or hunkered down in front of the computer screen, may have kept you in less-than perfect physical shape. While you might have impressed your significant other with your perfect abs and buff bod, have you slipped a little now as time meanders by? Why not consider taking up a physical activity that you both enjoy, like running, swimming, playing tennis or just walking. You’ll both feel better about yourselves.
Longtime relationships which eventually evolve into marriage usually encounter a real shock once the children arrive, especially the first child. Suddenly “and baby makes three” syndrome robs the couple of romantic spontaneity, not just in the bedroom, but for a walk in the park, a night on the town, or a getaway weekend. Couples quickly forsake their relationship with one another since they are overwhelmed by the new baby (and later children that come along). This is not a good option for a marriage, so, it is best to regularly schedule a “date night” for time alone to focus on one another. Of course, it will be difficult to spend an evening enjoying your significant other and just totally forgetting about that wee one at home, but invite a doting grandparent, or another trusted relative, or reliable babysitter, to take charge of your little one(s). A few hours away for dinner and a movie, twice a month, can quickly morph into longer times away, like a weekend vacation. As the kids get older, they have a feeling of responsibility when they are allowed to gain some independence as well.
Trying to preserve your marriage is worth the try, but, if you and your partner are unsuccessful in this endeavor, you might want to contact a top divorce attorney here in New Jersey to represent your interests.