The very concept of divorce conjures up images of couples arguing at the top of their lungs and unhappy children being shuttled back and forth between estranged parents. We often hear about celebrities or the superrich breaking up with their over-the-top alimony demands and threats to leak deep dark secrets to insatiable tabloids. Unfortunately, divorce has become a common part of the social fabric of most people’s lives whether they have money or not.
In fact, the divorce rate for 2021 is estimated to be at 45% of all marriages. While that’s an improvement over the all-time high of 53% back in 1981, it still means that nearly half of all marriages won’t make it till death do us part. If you are headed to a divorce, you can make things a heck of a lot easier by doing it amicably. We’ve all heard about divorces in which warring couples spend hundreds of thousands on legal fees while doing irreparable damage to their children in the process. No one wants to add to these kinds of statistics. While separating amicably may run contrary to your reasons for getting divorced in the first place, it tends to be the best solution for everyone involved.
Set the Stage for an Amicable Divorce
To have an amicable divorce, partners need to keep the blame game to a minimum. Basically, both partners have to focus on civility when it comes to divorce proceedings. They also need to embrace the values of patience, preparedness and cooperation. In fact, one of the best ways to avoid hefty legal fees is to divide up your assets and agree on a settlement before you step into court.
Spouses should work out amongst themselves how they will deal with each step of the process to keep it from stalling. This is where cooperation and patience become paramount. In this case, spouses have to put their differences aside and keep the larger picture top of mind.
A Trusting Relationship Goes a Long Way
If a couple can still trust each other and are both aware of how divorce law will affect them, then they have a decent chance at a compassionate divorce. Sometimes, for example, only one person handled the family finances throughout the relationship. In this case, the other spouse has to be able to trust that supplied financial documents and numbers are accurate. Couples run into problems when one person refuses to believe what the other says or the papers he or she provides to back up their claims.
Take All Aspects into Account
It helps to keep all aspects of a divorce in mind when negotiating with your spouse. For instance, you will need to discuss child custody issues as well as how to make important decisions for the children such as schooling and medical care. Your love for your children should outweigh your animus towards your spouse. These are the kinds of issues that an amicable divorce can resolve ahead of court appearances.
Be Realistic with Your Expectations
Being cautiously optimistic is a good place to start. But you should also keep in mind that your partner is not about to transform themselves when you separate. For instance, if they were typically uncompromising during the marriage, they still will be during the divorce.
Nevertheless, the people whom we marry are not the people whom we divorce. For this reason, you need to have patience and temper your expectations to be realistic about how things like finances and the parenting schedules will work out.
Figure Out What is Most Important
Knowing what is most important to you and making it a priority will help to guide you through the process. Often, the other spouse will not agree on all points. Ultimately, however, an amicable divorce entails both sides working together for the best possible result for everyone. In any case, each party still needs to be aware of their options because many decisions will have irreversible consequences.
It’s not to think of divorce as an ugly, difficult process. If things weren’t going badly, there would be little reason for divorce. However, an amicable divorce is possible and really is the best way to go. Since couples can also try things like mediation to resolve more complex issues, parties who desire to be amicable can achieve their goal. Contacting an experienced family law attorney also helps since they can provide options that will keep your divorce from living up to its more common reputation.
